Happy New Year!

With just a couple of hours left in this year, it doesn't look like the Alphas will be getting another tax deduction for Christmas. However, my human sister is pretty excited about New Year's Eve. She started fixing her hair this morning. The blow dryer really works! Too bad she wasn't able to stay awake until midnight. Here's wishing you all the best in the New Year.

Single Digits

When I started the countdown to Precious Fluffy's due date, there were more than 70 days to go. Now we're down to single digits! I can't believe she's almost here. The whole family is eager to meet her and my human sister is preparing by practicing taking care of her dolls. The Alphas finally moved some furniture around and the two kids' rooms are all set, although Precious Fluffy's room could still stand some decorating. I'm trying to rest up while I can because once Precious Fluffy comes home I have a feeling that I'm going to have a lot of interrupted sleep. The big question that's left is whether she's going to be a tax deduction or a New Year's baby. I'll be sure to keep my blog updated when there is any news.

Merry Christmas

My human sister had a great day! She got enough stuff today that she was able to dress up as Dr. Carpenter Princess Mommy. But I think her favorite is the baby stroller. Merry Christmas to everyone.

Santa is Coming!

Merry Christmas Eve! The Alphas took my human sister to see Santa Claus tonight. I think it's great that on such a busy night he takes the time to come to our small town! My family had a busy night, too. After my human sister was able to sit on Santa's lap and tell him how much she liked him, the humans opened my presents to them.

Do you like the pajamas I got for my human sister? From the back she looks just like a candy cane convicted of a felony.


Then, just as Alpha Female was finishing up 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, the Alphas heard lots and lots of sirens outside. The whole family went outside to see Santa drive by on top of a fire truck and escorted by lots of other cars with lights and sirens. Santa even threw some candy while my human sister waved at everybody in the cars. I hope she can go to sleep after such an exciting night!

Still No Precious Fluffy News

Precious Fluffy has decided to take her sweet time and seems to be in no great hurry to stretch her legs. The Alphas have moved from encouraging her to come out early to convincing her to stay in there until after Christmas. I think they sound a little crazy when they talk to her as if they have any control over when she decides to come meet us. A couple of days ago they were trying to bribe her out with Christmas presents and a trip to see Santa. I think it's pathetic really.

The Alphas are looking forward to Christmas morning with my human sister and took her to the library where she got to make reindeer antlers to get into the Christmas spirit. I'm no expert on reindeers, but I think they might have turned her into an elf instead of a reindeer.

Precious Fluffy Update and Ice!

The Alphas went to the doctor on Friday to check on Precious Fluffy. They were hoping to hear that it looked like she would be making an appearance this weekend, but they got no such news. Everything looks normal and modern science cannot predict when she'll decide to come. Alpha Female is accepting this uncertainty surprisingly well, considering that she has some issues with control, and has moved on to trying to will Precious Fluffy out on any day that is not too close to a holiday. She figures anytime between now and the 21st would be great.

Because the Alphas didn't have to worry too much about having a baby on Saturday, they decided to go to a Christmas event called Ice! It was in a convention center and 9 degrees F. That may sound cold to some, like Alpha Male and my human sister, but it was the first time that Alpha Female wasn't hot in a few months. I think I would have been comfortable in my fur coat, too, but nobody asked me if I wanted to come. My human sister went down the ice slide twice and both times she got stuck in the middle. She just stopped sliding. I find that hard to believe, because elementary physics teaches that ice has a very low coefficient of friction so it should be hard to stop while sliding down a chute of ice. My human sister must be very talented to have managed it not once, but twice.

She also went rollerblading for the first time this weekend. What an athlete!

Endorsements

I've noticed that when celebrities endorse things, it can lead to big results. Take Oprah and Obama for example. Anyways, I've decided to capitalize on my celebrity dog blogger status and make a few endorsements of my own. I am a celebrity, right?

First, I'd like to throw my support behind naps. Naps are wonderful, what is not to like about a nap? Do I really need to say anymore about this? Without naps, I couldn't possibly get in twenty hours of sleep a day. In fact, my human sister is in the middle of a marathon nap right now. She's been at it for 3 1/2 hours and shows no signs of stopping. I applaud her dedication.

Second, I'd like to give a shout out to brownies. Specifically, Ghirardelli fudge brownies. Alpha Male picked them up when he went to the grocery store. It is always awesome when he does the grocery shopping because he usually comes back with some wonderful treat like these brownies. These are probably the best brownies that have ever been in this house, or so I hear. Unfortunately, the Alphas didn't let me eat any, but how could they not be wonderful? I mean, do you see the layer of fudge on top?

Third, I'm an advocate of prenatal massages. The big question here is, "How do they do it?" I mean, Alpha Female couldn't possible lay on her huge belly, she would probably roll to the side like a beached whale or something if she even tried. The answer is a special pillow with cut out holes for all the parts of a pregnant woman that seem to expand. Climbing up on the table and fitting the belly into the cutout is a little tricky, but it's wonderful for a pregnant woman to be able to lay on her belly for a little while, I lay on mine all the time. And I imagine a massage is always relaxing, especially if said pregnant woman has just finished law school.

My second to last endorsement is handed out to balloons. I mean really, what is better than playing with a bunch of helium balloons? Watching my human sister get the ribbons wrapped around herself and then walk through the house is pretty fun too.

And finally, I must give a hearty endorsement to parks. I prefer the parks that allow dogs, but there aren't many of them around here so my second favorite are parks with playground equipment. My human sister really enjoys going to the playground these days. In fact, yesterday the Alphas pulled up to the playground and it was really crowded so they started to back the car up to go to another, less crowded, park. My human sister saw that they were leaving before she had even gotten a chance to play and screamed, "No! Please, no!" She sounded genuinely concerned and upset so the Alphas decided to stay at the crowded park. They had no idea that she loved the playground that much!

I often wonder what else she thinks that she cannot share with us. I have found that blogging has been a good outlet for me, because I also cannot share much of what I am thinking. Maybe I will teach my human sister how to maintain her own blog as a means of expressing herself. She's probably old enough to learn how to type, right?

She did it!

Alpha Female finally did it! She is done with law school. Assuming that she gets at least D's on each of the exams she took, Alpha Female is now Alpha Female, J.D. We had quite a little family celebration here tonight when she got home from her last final. Alpha Male had music, balloons, a party light, banners, streamers, and presents waiting for her when she walked through the door. The party didn't end until Alpha Male vacuumed confetti off of my back. I mean that literally; he used a vacuum attachment on my back.

Reading My Thoughts

Tonight I was looking at Alpha Male and he asked me why I was staring at him. He then went on to answer his own question by hypothesizing what I must be thinking. He thought that I was looking at him because I wanted to be picked up, flipped upside down, and rubbed on my belly. Boy was he wrong. While I do enjoy an occasional belly rub, it's not the kind of thing I sit around and ask for, I have much more important things on my mind. I was actually thinking about wrapping Christmas presents.
I have to do all of my Christmas shopping online because of the anti-dog policies of most stores. So when my packages arrive at the house, I have to wrap them myself. Here's the problem: I don't have any boxes to put clothes in and I don't know where to buy them. It seems like when humans buy clothes in stores, they can ask for boxes to put the clothes in before they wrap them, but I don't get that option when I purchase online. What am I supposed to do? I always buy pajamas for my human sister and I can't wrap them without a box! Talk about holiday stress, don't even get me started on the difficulties involved in wrapping a present without any thumbs.
Something else that has been on my mind recently is my human sister's new affinity for bed time. I think my love of sleeping may be starting to rub off on her. She has begun to say, "bye" and blow kisses to her parents when she thinks it is time for her to go to bed. I think it's adorable. She even kisses me goodnight sometimes. My favorite part is that she just lays in bed quietly and falls asleep; she hasn't been screaming herself to sleep lately. It's wonderful!

Christmas Spirit

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if your entire family turned into elves? I just found out by watching this elf video. I've never seen Alpha Male (or should I say Elfin Male) move so well. However, my human sister should really work on her performance face. It wouldn't hurt to smile a little. But I do think I'm the best dancer. Isn't it weird that when you're an elf, you don't look any bigger when your pregnant? Alpha Female thinks that's awesome!

Bad, RAM, Bad!

I have been quite frustrated over the past month and incredibly inconvenienced over the last week by my computer crashing when I was in the middle of things. This, along with the ergonomic benefits to my paws, was why I preferred blogging on Alpha Female's Treo. However, once the computer started crashing almost constantly, my diligent Alpha Male diagnosed the problem as bad RAM. I recommended rubbing the RAM's nose in its physical memory dump, and saying, "Bad, RAM, bad!," but instead Alpha Male replaced the RAM and now the computer is good again and I can blog without fear of seeing a blue screen. I apologize for my absence but I blame it on technical difficulties.

My Human Sister had her eighteen month checkup today. She weighs 23 pounds and is 33 1/2 inches tall. She definitely outweighs me now. I notice it every time she pats me (hard) on the back or leans on me while she gives me a hug. It's OK though because the more she eats, the more I eat. She's very generous with her food. I hope that Precious Fluffy is just as generous.

The Alphas have decided on a first name for Precious Fluffy and it isn't really Precious. They still don't have a middle name, though. Maybe Fluffy will make the cut.

Also, I've been seeing a lot more of Alpha Female around here lately. She finished classes last Monday and hasn't really been studying for her finals as much as she should. It's kind of weird having her around so much. Last night, she made dinner and all the humans sat at the dinner table to eat! It was very disappointing to me that Alpha Male and my human sister weren't just eating something on the couch. It is so much easier to get a part of the meal that way. I'm hoping the novelty will wear off soon and they'll revert to their old ways. However, the Alphas seem to be enjoying the change.

The pictures with this post were taken on Thanksgiving weekend. (My human sister really was buried up to her neck.) It's great living in Florida...if you aren't covered in fur!

Somersaults

The Alphas went to check in on Precious Fluffy today and found out that she has done a somersault in the past week and is now head down! Alpha Female thinks it happened Saturday night because she remembers being woken up by stretching sensations in her belly and Sunday morning she was no longer able to feel Precious Fluffy's head in her ribs. Now she feels Precious Fluffy's feet in her ribs. The Alphas seem pretty happy with the news that Precious Fluffy is now head down. However, they have mixed feelings about her size. She appears to be slightly larger than average. They are hoping that this means she'll decide to be born a week or two early not that she'll be huge when she's born. I'm not sure they would know what to do with a baby who weighed more than seven pounds. They are used to the six pound variety. I say the bigger the better, because her stomach will be bigger so she'll be able to spit up more milk for me to lick off of her.

My Human Sister Took Me for a Walk

I'm afraid that my human sister has officially surpassed me intellectually. She must be awfully smart to be smarter than a dog with a blog! I came to this realization last weekend when I saw her fetch. Fetching is something that I've never been able to master, but my human sister seems pretty good at it. Alpha Female asked my human sister to bring her something so that Alpha Female (who is getting pretty big around the middle these days, but you didn't hear that from me) wouldn't have to stand up. After a bit of directing, my human sister picked it up and brought it back to Alpha Female. The Alphas seem pretty happy about this and plan on exploiting this new found talent for good. That's actually one of the reasons I never mastered this skill, I didn't want to be put to work the way my human sister is going to be.

They are putting her to work in other ways, too. However her newest responsibility doesn't seem like much of a chore, more like a privilege. She gets to hold my leash and take me on walks now. I usually cooperate and don't pull too hard on the leash. However, today I got really excited and pulled her over. I think we both learned a valuable lesson from that. She learned to let go of my leash before she falls and I learned that I get in big trouble if I don't stop when Alpha Female tells me too.

Precious Fluffy is Upside Down!

Maybe it would be more correct to say that she is right side up. It's a matter of perspective, I suppose. Most feti (that's doggie for the plural of fetus) are head down, or vertex, by 32 weeks. Precious Fluffy is 32 weeks, 2 days and still has her head up in Alpha Female's ribs. The good news is that the Alphas will go have an ultrasound next week to check that she really is head up. They should be able to get a good look at her and see who they'll be holding (and who I'll be licking milk off of) in a few short weeks. While there is some concern that she may not flip over on her own, I do not share that concern. I know how the ladies in this family operate. They just don't see the need to be conventional. Just because all the other feti are doing it doesn't mean that Precious Fluffy feels like she needs to do it. She still has more than seven weeks left and she'll turn over when she feels like it and not a moment sooner. The Alphas are going to give her some time to do it on her own, but they are setting a deadline. If she doesn't flip over in the next four weeks, they will impose martial law and have the doctors do the flipping for her. My guess is that once they make plans to force her, she'll decide to do it on her own. That's just how the girls in this house are sometimes, a little difficult, but they come through in the end.

Just Five More Nights of Class

Five more nights of class, two final exams, and it's over. After 434 days of classes, $1,519 spent on tolls, and 65,100 miles driven, Alpha Female will finally have a JD. It's hard to tell if she's looking forward to it or not. I mean, she hasn't calculated how much less she'll spend on gas now ($96.86/week) or how much more free time she'll have now (22 hrs/week, not including time spent studying). I wonder if these things have even occurred to her?

I'll try to help her fill the void somehow. Maybe she can start cooking my dog food from scratch. That would be time consuming and fun! Or maybe she can help me blog more often and post more video blogs. That would be fun, too. I love being on camera.

Things I Learned From Halloween

My human sister really likes chocolate. And she knows how to drag Alpha Female into the kitchen and ask for it. My human sister also likes to ring my doorbell and then listen to me bark. However, I think she's disappointed when she walks into the house and I don't give her chocolate. I keep telling her, not everyday can be Halloween. Alpha Male actually took this picture of her after I told her that. Life's tough.

Happy Halloween

Make love, not war

Caveman Communication

I've heard the Alphas commenting a lot recently that my human sister seems to have hit some major milestone that has really made her seem like more of a person. I think that this indefinable change that they are noticing is because she can now communicate so well. Instead of just communicating like a baby and crying when she needs or wants something, she is now communicating like a caveman and pointing, clapping, and screaming to express her needs. In the mornings, she will come stand in front of Alpha Female and complain a little bit. Alpha Female then says, "show me" and my human sister walks into the kitchen (while making sure that Alpha Female is following her), goes over to the cupboard, and bangs on it until Alpha Female opens it for her. She then picks out some food she wants to eat, usually raisins, orange slices, or goldfish. Today, for the first time, she walked over to Alpha Female, grabbed her hand, and pulled her into the kitchen to ask for some food. This ability to communicate is really giving her a lot of power. I wish I could just get food on demand. She's so confident with her new powers that she will refuse certain foods and even make special requests. And when the Alphas figure out what it is she wants, she will clap, giggle, and do a little dance. She's a good caveman.

Party!!!!!

You would not believe the crazy party I had here last night. The Alphas were out at a Halloween party dressed like Prince Charming and Snow White. They had a great time and won free ice cream because of their incredible charade and $10,000 Pyramid talents. And my human sister was spending the night with her cousin and grandparents, so I invited all my doggie friends over and partied down. Oh, if you humans only knew about the crazy lives that us dogs live!

My human sister had a good time playing with her cousin, but she can be quite aggressive. Her cousin is about a year and a half older than her, but my human sister was pushing her out of the way and taking toys from her left and right. I'm kind of proud of her for not being a push over (like a Labrador or something) but I don't want her to think it's OK to be really aggressive (like one of Michael Vick's trained dogs). The Alphas are going to have their hands full teaching my human sister how to share things with Precious Fluffy. Maybe they should just smack her with a rolled up newspaper and yell, "No!" or (and this is probably a better idea) they could just give her cookies and lots of praise when she's good.

My Shoulders Hurt and Equal Rights for Dogs

Yesterday was my big yearly outing to get a check-up and a big needle poked in between my shoulders. For some reason, when I got in the car with my human sister, she thought it was pretty funny that I was riding in the car with her. I don't know why that is so funny. I've been going for car rides since long before she was born. In fact, I used to get to sit up front, now I have to sit in the back so I can help amuse my human sister. It's really not that bad because I can usually find some pretzels or raisins to snack on during the ride.

Speaking of car rides, Alpha Female only has 14 more days of driving to school and back for class. It doesn't seem like it was all that long ago that she was driving back from her first day of orientation and wondering if maybe she had made a horrible mistake by quitting her job and going back to school. Now, three and a half years later, she has learned so much (most of which she shares with me) and is really looking forward to being a lawyer.

One of the things that I've learned is that the law doesn't place nearly enough value on the non-human members of a family. Let's say my market value is $500, that is, you could go to a pet store or breeder and buy an incredibly intelligent and handsome 8 year old miniature schnauzer like myself for $500. Now, if somebody takes $500 from Alpha Female and takes me from Alpha Male, the law views these as equivalent wrongs, because I am just considered chattel even though I am clearly worth more than my market value to my human family. To me, and to dogs (and maybe other animals) around the country, this just seems wrong. I am more than mere property. If I ever decide to run for public office, I think I'll make changing this valuation a top priority.

Oh my goodness! Something stinks in here. My human sister just walked by, it must be her that smells so bad. I had better go alert Alpha Female to the situation.

Ice Cream and Comprehension

It must be very frustrating to be my human sister. She can understand so much more than she can communicate. Earlier this week, Alpha Female asked my human sister if she was ready for her nap. Alpha Female meant it more as a rhetorical question and didn't expect an answer. However, my human sister knew exactly what she had been asked because she jumped up, said, "No!," and started to move away from Alpha Female while screaming. While the screaming wasn't cute, it was nice to see that she is comprehending so much of what is being said to her. She will also give you things if you ask for them. If only I could learn how to talk maybe I could train her to bring me cookies.

The humans had a good time on Friday night when they went out for ice cream. My human sister sat in a chair like a big girl, asked for her own spoon, and fed herself ice cream. When she had helped Alpha Male eat all of his and saw that his bowl was empty, she turned to Alpha Female and helped her finish the last of her ice cream, too. I wish they would have brought me along, I could have been a big help with eating the ice cream.

Right now, my human sister and Alpha Male are busy vacuuming the house so that I don't have to lay on dirty carpets. They are such well trained humans!

It's Been Awhile

I must apologize for my lack of diligence in keeping everybody updated in regards to the happenings of my family. However, I must say it is not my fault. It's really the fault of Alpha Female and my human sister. You see, every time I try to find time to sit quietly and type my pontifications, my human sister decides that this is a good time to come sit in my lap and spend some quality time together. Of course, I just love the opportunity to bond with her, so the blogging must wait. She's also started to pretend to put various lotions and ointments on my fur. It's pretty nice to have her rub my back and head and eyes. And Alpha Female has the end of school in her sights. So she has been busy trying to get all of her reading done for the rest of the semester. That means that she doesn't have a whole lot of time to help me with my blogs, not that she helps much, I really do it mostly by myself. So, with my apologies out of the way, I can share with you what has been happening with my family.

First, I'd like to share with you something that happened earlier this week. Alpha Female put my human sister down for a nap. Apparently, my human sister wasn't really all that tired yet. Alpha Female and I could hear her talking to herself and playing in her crib for quite a while before she got quiet and went to sleep. When she woke up about two hours later, the first thing that Alpha Female saw in her crib was her diaper. And the diaper was no longer on my human sister. However, there was a huge wet spot where my human sister had been sleeping. Alpha Female had to do a lot of laundry, but she sure was glad that at least my human sister hadn't poo'ed. And we all learned not to put the little monkey in her crib wearing an outfit in which she can get to her diaper.

Let me explain this picture. It's really quite humiliating. It seems that even though my human sister thinks she can take her diaper off whenever she wants, she also believes that I should wear a diaper. I can't believe Alpha Female even took this picture. At least I'm lucky that this is the best picture that was taken. Right before Alpha Female got the camera out, my human sister was actually wrapping the diaper around my bottom. Even though it's humiliating, it's also pretty neat to see that my human sister is learning things.

Interview With My Human Sister

I recently had an opportunity to chat with my human sister. I've posted portions of our chat for your enjoyment.

Afternoon Snuggle

The humans had a busy weekend! They took a trip to Sea World to celebrate my human niece's third birthday and they went to a friend's first birthday party. They were so worn out from all the activity that they had to recover with a little afternoon nap. I got to take part too, until I made a break for it.

My human sister has also started to display incredibly impressive abstract thought capabilities. She and Alpha Female were pretending to have imaginary cookies and milk that my human sister had apparently been storing in her princess car's secret compartment. My human sister would take a bite or a sip of the invisible food and then chew or swallow it. Solving differential equations can't be far behind. Maybe I'll start teaching her some principles of Gaussian noise.

Double Stroller

Alpha Female has sporadically been preparing for the arrival of Precious Fluffy. She decided to get a new carseat because the old one doesn't have the new absorbent foam in it. Then she picked out a matching double stroller. With the new stroller, both my human sister and Precious Fluffy could ride in the stroller comfortably at the same time. My human sister caught wind of this and decided that we don't need a double stroller. She showed Alpha Female that she could just ride in the storage compartment of the old stroller and her sister can ride up top. She is so considerate.

Slow News Week

Not much has been happening with my family during the past week. The Alphas saw the results of the poll and I informed them of my intention to henceforth refer to the bulge as "Precious Fluffy." As a result, they've picked an alternate name for the new baby. I know they won't tell anybody, and I can't tell anybody because I can't talk and they censor all of my written communication. However, my human sister also knows the name and you might be able to get it out of her in exchange for a banana. Though she'll probably just say, "no" if you ask her what the name is. She likes to say no. She says it a lot. But she can also show you where her belly button is. When not pointing out various body parts, she enjoys drawing on her Magna Doodle and walking around in circles. I'm telling you, this is one brilliant little girl.

Sense of Self

My human sister has reached another exciting milestone, she has a sense of self! I noticed that she had developed this yesterday. Alpha Female had put pretty blue pigtail holders in my human sister's hair. She had happily worn them all afternoon. Then she walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. She saw the things in her hair and immediately put her hands on her head and pulled them out. Then she smoothed down her hair. It's pretty exciting that she knows she's looking at herself when she sees a mirror. I don't even really understand how the dog on the other side of the mirror knows to move when I move.

Incidentally, I did get a bath. Now I smell like a delicious oatmeal cookie. Alpha Male is the best! Maybe I should use this forum to ask for things more often. Could I please be fed more often?

Could I Please Have a Bath?

That's all, I just wanted to ask for a bath. Even though I'm an extremely intelligent dog, I still don't have the power of speech, so sometimes the best way for me to communicate with my Alphas is by posting on my blog. I hope that one of them reads this and gives me a bath tonight. I mean, I love to smell a little stinky but this is ridiculous!

Miscellaneous Ramblings

It seems like I have a lot to share with all of my loyal readers. I'll share with you in chronological order.

First, Alpha Female got her MPRE score back and found out that she has passed that section of the bar exam! All that's left now is just graduation and then the big bar exam in July. Alpha Female already has her hotel reservations.

Second, Alpha Male took my human sister to the park and she learned how to go down a slide all by herself! She likes to slide down and then turn around and crawl back up the slide. She can even get off of the slide safely at the bottom. I wish dogs were allowed at playgrounds because it sounds like a lot of fun.

Third, the humans in my family were planning on going to Sea World on Friday when my human sister got up from her nap. However, she slept until about 3:30 so the trip has been postponed for a couple of weeks. Instead, they went down to another park and Alpha Female got to see her daughter's slide skills in action. She told me that it really was pretty impressive. Then the humans walked out on a pier (with a big "No Dogs Allowed" sign) and saw a whole bunch of manatees. One swam right under the pier and you could hear them coming up for air all around. The adults thought it was pretty cool, but my human sister wasn't impressed with the manatees. She thought that all of the seaweed on the pier was way cooler.

Lastly, and this post's featured pictures, was the big Tennessee v. Florida game. My human sister really dressed up for this game! Those Gators looked good and my human sister got to practice making the touchdown signal a lot. She really is adorable.

Gauss on Manners

Having good manners is pretty easy for a dog. I have to remember not to lick my privates, not to jump on people (no matter how excited I get), and, if a human has gas, I should take the blame for it. Those three basic rules are pretty easy for me to follow, but humans have a lot more rules to obey. My human sister is trying to learn manners right now and it's not coming easily for her. She will make a sign for "please" when she wants something, but I don't think she does it because she knows it is polite. Instead, I'm pretty sure that she only signs "please" because if she doesn't, the Alphas won't give her what she wants. And the whole concept of "thank you" seems completely foreign to her. In the long run, I think my human sister will learn all of the complicated rules governing human manners, but many people don't, particularly when it comes to interacting with pregnant women. Just yesterday, Alpha Female and my human sister were at the store and some woman asked when the baby was coming. Alpha Female told her early January and the woman looked at Alpha Female's belly, made a face, and said, "Wow, you've still got a ways to go." If I had done something this rude, Alpha Female would have said, "No!" and I would have learned not to do it again. However, apparently this is not a polite thing to do to humans. But in an effort to eradicate this kind of rudeness from society, I am going to help my human sister learn that even when there is a baby in a woman's belly, it is not OK to tell that woman that she is either too fat or too skinny.

The Day Has Arrived!

She finally did it! My human sister can say dog! I've never been so proud.

Halloween Horrors

I've finally figured out the down side of having a human sister who is so cute. This is it, she would look cute in any Halloween costume so it's hard to pick just one. Alpha Female was thinking that she could be Cindy Lou Who, because there is a remarkable resemblance between Cindy and my human sister. However, recently Alpha Female has been having second thoughts. I have noticed that my human sister likes to wear jewelry and hats. She also loves music and, as you can see in this picture, has started playing the piano. I think that she should be Liberace for Halloween.

Super Sweet Sixteen

Today is my human sister's Super Sweet Sixteen Month Birthday! To celebrate, she applied some hair growth tonic. What do you think of the results? She also learned how to say, "ball." You can check out all the other words she can say in my list: "Words My Human Sister Can Say." The list is growing rapidly.

Dogs and Football

I'd like to thank my readers for asking about my view of football in light of the Vick incident. Let me start by saying that my primary allegiances lay with college football. Why? Because the NFL has no canine teams, whereas there are several canine NCAA teams. This year, I'm pulling for the Huskies of Washington and the Bulldogs from Louisiana Tech. I don't understand why these teams aren't perennial powerhouses, considering the clear advantages of four legs over two. I'm glad it's football season again and enjoyed watching some good games yesterday. My condolences go out to any Michigan fans.

Now, about the Vick incident. I think he is a horrible person and deserves to spend lots of time in a dirty jail cell, maybe he should be forced to fight. I also think that the NFL should take a stance against all players committing crimes involving moral turpitude (this includes dog fighting) and ban them from the league. This is really a black and white issue for me. Hurting dogs is bad.

A New Puppy

No, we didn't get a new puppy, but it sure looks like it. If I had left this kind of a mess on the floor when I was 15 months old, I would have been in a lot of trouble. But when my human sister does it, the Alphas just clean it up and vow never again to let her run around after a bath without a diaper on.

First Word?

A few weekends ago my human sister saw some ducks in a parking lot and walked over to get a closer look at them and tried to chase them. Then, last weekend, when the humans went to Liki Tiki, they saw a couple of ducks and were feeding them bread and talking to my human sister about the ducks and teaching her that ducks say, "Quack!"

This evening, the Alphas took my human sister to the zoo. They were looking at the emu and talking about how scary looking the emu was when my human sister said, "Duck." Alpha Female said, "No, it's an emu." However, Alpha Female didn't really think that my human sister had actually meant duck, she thought that my human sister had just happened to make a noise that sounded like duck when they were looking at the emu. Then the humans went to look at the cassowary. Again, my human sister said, "Duck!" Alpha Female then said, "No, it's a cassowary." (There is some discrepancy as to what happened next. Alpha Female indicates that my human sister replied, "cassowary." Alpha Male disagrees and stated that Alpha Female might be a little crazy.) Finally, the humans went to look at the ducks. My human sister said, "Duck!" This was enough to establish irrefutable proof in Alpha Female's mind that my human sister's first official word was duck. I think "dog" will soon follow.

Legal Pontification

It's been a little while since I've shared any real pontifications with you because I've been so distracted by the whole mystery of the bulge and, also, I've been busy helping Alpha Female with her school work. However, I'd like to share with you something that I've been thinking about.

American humans generally have a negative perception of lawyers. I think this is fueled largely by media portrayals of lawyers, not by the activity of real lawyers. The result of this negative perception is that people don't seek out lawyers when they need legal help, because they think lawyers are "bad". A lawyer's role is to help laypeople understand the law. Just as I would not attempt to make my own dog food or build my own dog house, because I don't know how to do those things, why would I think I could give myself the best possible legal advice?

I guess that my point is that lawyers really do serve an important function in American human society, because that society depends on laws and regulations to run smoothly. And lawyers have years of training to help people understand how these rules work. Getting advice from lawyers can help people protect their rights. I, for one, wish that I had consulted a lawyer before agreeing to a certain operation several years ago. Then, maybe, I could have gotten more cookies in exchange for agreeing to give up my fundamental right to have a family.

It's a GIRL!

However, she is as squirmy as a worm. She wouldn't hold still while her pictures were being taken! My human sister is looking forward to having a little sister to get manicures and pedicures with. My human sister also just spent five minutes chasing me around the house trying to put my collar on me, and now I find out I'm getting another one of these?! I must be the luckiest dog around.

My Spa Weekend

It was another great weekend! The spa was just as lovely as I remembered it. I smelled a little funny after my stay (in fact, I still smell funny), but I'm pretty sure that the odor is just from the exotic oils that were used during my massages.

The humans had a good weekend too, even though they missed me a lot. My human sister pretty much gave up sleeping for the weekend and spent all day Saturday at the fancy pool with most of her cousins. Liki Tiki is a great value resort for any family looking for water activities for the little humans. My human sister enjoyed walking around the beach entry pool and can't wait until she's big enough to ride the water slides and get the airbrushed tattoos!

Unfortunately, the humans weren't able to visit the serpentarium on the way home because my human sister was pretty tired. I guess they'll have to go back next year.

Just a couple of hours until the big reveal (that's when we find out what's in Alpha Female's bulge).