Tonguey McGee

I'd like to devote this entire post to Thing 2 because I feel she's been getting short shrift. As one of seven puppies born in a litter, I know what it's like to not get all the attention you deserve. And Thing 2 does deserve a lot of attention. I'll fill you in on some of her latest developments.

We call her Tonguey McGee sometimes because she likes to just stick her tongue out a lot. Unfortunately, I think that this contributes to her drooling problem. And while I don't want to hurt her feelings, somebody should tell her that it's a problem when your drool soaks your clothes all the way down to your belly button.

Besides her fascination with her tongue, she has also a fascination with her hands. Who can blame her? If I had hands, I'd stare at them for hours, too.

And just today, Tonguey McGee seemed awfully interested in watching Alpha Female eat, so Alpha Female gave Tonguey some cereal for the very first time. She caught on to that pretty quickly and wolfed down quite a bit. If I wasn't devoting this entire post to Tonguey, I'd tell you that Thing 1 enjoyed giving Tonguey spoonfuls of cereal, but Thing 1 gets plenty of my press coverage already, so I'll leave that part out. I'm just glad to see Tonguey eating solid food, that brings her one step closer to being able to feed me. I offered to help clean her face off after her cereal encounter, but I was turned down.

That's all the Tonguey news I have for now, when she starts doing some new tricks I'll fill you in.

Do You Want to Eat More Oranges out of the Potty?

Thing 1's new favorite bowl is also a doll potty. In fact, I think it was a doll potty before she turned it into a bowl. That is why I heard Alpha Female say, "Do you want to eat more oranges out of the potty?" I still think that's a gross thing to say. What if Thing 1 decides to get literal one day and drops an orange into the real potty? It won't be so funny while Alpha Male is fishing the fruit out of the commode. And I'm sure that would be the male's job.

And how often do you get to hear Alpha Male say, "I hope that's the baby pee'ing on me?" I think it had something to do with Thing 1 playing with her baby doll in the bathtub. Alpha Male was hoping for baby pee, instead of Thing 1 pee, while he was carrying a naked Thing 1 and her baby out of the bathtub.
As it turns out, it was Thing 1's lucky day and it was just baby pee.

And check out Thing 1's shoes in this picture. Those are some pretty awesome sparkly silver shoes!

The Country's Oldest City

Monday was the humans' last day of vacation and Thing 1's fourth day in a row without a nap. She wasn't interested in learning anything about the history of St. Augustine. All she wanted to do was to eat M&M's and walk up and down these stairs. So, in the interest of family harmony, that is pretty much all the humans did in St. Augustine. Thing 1 was happy to get in the car to come home. And she was very happy to go to sleep in her on bed on Monday night. She's still recovering from her weekend without sleep. We all really enjoyed our vacations, but I wouldn't recommend letting a 23 month old go four days in a row without a nap. It's not pretty.

A Day at the Farm

The humans spent Sunday at a friend's farm. Farms aren't really my thing. On the city dog/country dog spectrum, I'm much more of a city dog. Some might even say that I'm metrosexual. The farm experience was pure country and the hidden redneck in Alpha Female loved it. She thinks there might even be a little bit of redneck hidden behind Thing 1's princess facade.

There were lots of animals at the farm and Thing 1 enjoyed feeding them all. The animals must have thought that she was the devil and had come to torture them because she liked to pick up just one piece of corn at a time and stick it through the fence for them to eat. I'm pretty sure that goats, sheep, horses, llamas, and donkeys, like dogs, prefer to get their food in larger quantities.

There was one goat in particular that must have really disliked both Alpha Female and Thing 1. This goat was the legendary "fainting goat." When goats like her are startled, all of their muscles tense up and the goat will fall over, giving the appearance of fainting. Of course, Alpha Female thought that this was hysterical and she and Thing 1 chased that poor goat all around while they yelled, "Baaaaa! Baaaaaa!" in order to make her faint. Why do humans think that animals are some how impressed when humans make animal sounds? All of you humans should now, it just makes you look ridiculous. In fact, I hear that there is some video of Alpha Female and Thing 1 looking ridiculous as they chased that goat. I will show it to you soon.

Besides tormenting the poor animals, the humans also went on a truck tour of the farm and got stuck in the mud. Luckily there was a tractor back in the barn that was able to pull them out. It just doesn't get any more authentic than that.

Gators Say Touchdown

When I'm staying at the spa, sometimes a yippy little terrier or a nervous chihuahua comes in. Whenever I see a dog like that I think, I hope he is not rooming next to me. I don't want to have to be right next to all the noise. I hear that humans experience a similar thing when getting on an airplane, humans don't want the noisy little kids or the stinky people sitting next to them. Well, on Saturday, my family was the family that you don't want sitting next to you.

They went to Gainesville to see the spring Orange and Blue game. It is quite a production and takes some preparation to get both of the Things ready to go to a football game. Thing 2 was strapped to Alpha Female's chest and they had a bulging diaper bag. As they walked towards their seats, Thing 1 started to whine a little bit and Thing 2 started to cry because she wanted to go to sleep. They could feel people looking at them and pleading with their eyes that my family not sit next to them. Unfortunately, somebody has to be the loser in that situation and on Saturday it turned out to be a college kid that they sat behind and Thing 1 kept leaning on. She was kept happy for most of the first half by drinking red Gatorade straight from the bottle. She thought it was delicious, but a little messy.


They left the game just before halftime and went to get something to eat. Once again they were scorned. The college kids had no sympathy for poor Alpha Female trying to push her double stroller through a crowd, while simultaneously trying to feed Thing 2 and get Thing 1 to rest instead of whine. However, Alpha Female got the last laugh when she changed both of the Things' diapers on a bench in a public space. They said they had fun at the game, but it sure sounds like they felt old; there's no denying that they're no longer young college kids.

Gamblers Anonymous

Wow, what a weekend! I spent Friday through Monday at the spa and it was great! All the food I could eat, six walks a day, and free singing lessons. I showed off my newly honed singing talents by howling the whole car ride home from the spa. I've always been a good singer, but when I come back from the spa I feel free to express myself more frequently.

While I was at the spa getting some doggie pampering, the humans were doing some stuff that they said was fun but can't possibly compare to my awesome weekend because their weekend didn't include nearly enough napping. In fact, they were so busy doing things other than napping that they still haven't told me about their entire weekend, just the first day. As soon as I hear about the rest of their weekend, I'll share it with you, but for now I'll just tell you what they did on Friday.

Friday was a momentous day in the life of Thing 1. It was the day she met Chuck. The Big Cheese. Chuck E. Cheese. What a fantastic place that was. Thing 1 couldn't stick the tokens in the games fast enough. She wasn't really into playing the games, she left that to the Alphas, but she sure did enjoy walking around with her bucket of coins and feeding them to the games. I suspect that Chuck E. Cheese might have a gambling problem and his chain of restaurants is just a way to get young people interested in gambling. From what I heard about her trip to Chuck E. Cheese's establishment, I have strong suspicions that 70 years from now you may be able to find Thing 1 sitting in front of a slot machine in Atlantic City. At Chuck's place though, nobody leaves empty handed. Thing 1 got to trade in the tickets she earned for some lovely jewelry and a lollipop. It might have been the best day of her life.


Cruising with the Big Cheese himself. Next stop Vegas!

The 10-Second Rule

Before I get to my main topic of the day, I'd like to direct your attention to this picture. I think Alpha Female is trying to teach Thing 1 how to change Thing 2's diaper. (Or maybe Thing 1 just liked pulling all of the wipes out of the box.) Aren't there laws against child labor?

Now onto the topic which has become quite a hot button issue. Of course, I'm talking about Floor Food. It seems we have reached somewhat of a compromise on the issue. The Alphas have taught me about the 10-second rule. That is, if any human leaves food on the floor for more than 10 seconds, it becomes the property of the nearest dog (proximity of the dog is measured at the moment when the food hits the ground). They say this will prevent me from "stealing" food from Thing 1. Does that mean that I'm only good enough to get her leftovers? Does that mean that they condone her dropping food on the ground and then picking it back up and eating it?

I'm now working on standing close to Thing 1 while she's eating and just staring at her. I'm hoping that if I stare long enough, it will creep her out and she'll drop her food and run away. Have you ever had someone just sit and stare at you while you eat? It can be pretty creepy. So far it hasn't worked. She just laughs at me and tries to hop on my back for a ride. Maybe I could start charging goldfish crackers in exchange for doggie rides around the living room.

Fruit Juice

If prunes are dried plums, that is, prunes are plums with no more juice in them, how do you make prune juice? Is it really plum juice? These are the things I think about when I lie awake at night.