Happy Halloween

Make love, not war

Caveman Communication

I've heard the Alphas commenting a lot recently that my human sister seems to have hit some major milestone that has really made her seem like more of a person. I think that this indefinable change that they are noticing is because she can now communicate so well. Instead of just communicating like a baby and crying when she needs or wants something, she is now communicating like a caveman and pointing, clapping, and screaming to express her needs. In the mornings, she will come stand in front of Alpha Female and complain a little bit. Alpha Female then says, "show me" and my human sister walks into the kitchen (while making sure that Alpha Female is following her), goes over to the cupboard, and bangs on it until Alpha Female opens it for her. She then picks out some food she wants to eat, usually raisins, orange slices, or goldfish. Today, for the first time, she walked over to Alpha Female, grabbed her hand, and pulled her into the kitchen to ask for some food. This ability to communicate is really giving her a lot of power. I wish I could just get food on demand. She's so confident with her new powers that she will refuse certain foods and even make special requests. And when the Alphas figure out what it is she wants, she will clap, giggle, and do a little dance. She's a good caveman.

Party!!!!!

You would not believe the crazy party I had here last night. The Alphas were out at a Halloween party dressed like Prince Charming and Snow White. They had a great time and won free ice cream because of their incredible charade and $10,000 Pyramid talents. And my human sister was spending the night with her cousin and grandparents, so I invited all my doggie friends over and partied down. Oh, if you humans only knew about the crazy lives that us dogs live!

My human sister had a good time playing with her cousin, but she can be quite aggressive. Her cousin is about a year and a half older than her, but my human sister was pushing her out of the way and taking toys from her left and right. I'm kind of proud of her for not being a push over (like a Labrador or something) but I don't want her to think it's OK to be really aggressive (like one of Michael Vick's trained dogs). The Alphas are going to have their hands full teaching my human sister how to share things with Precious Fluffy. Maybe they should just smack her with a rolled up newspaper and yell, "No!" or (and this is probably a better idea) they could just give her cookies and lots of praise when she's good.

My Shoulders Hurt and Equal Rights for Dogs

Yesterday was my big yearly outing to get a check-up and a big needle poked in between my shoulders. For some reason, when I got in the car with my human sister, she thought it was pretty funny that I was riding in the car with her. I don't know why that is so funny. I've been going for car rides since long before she was born. In fact, I used to get to sit up front, now I have to sit in the back so I can help amuse my human sister. It's really not that bad because I can usually find some pretzels or raisins to snack on during the ride.

Speaking of car rides, Alpha Female only has 14 more days of driving to school and back for class. It doesn't seem like it was all that long ago that she was driving back from her first day of orientation and wondering if maybe she had made a horrible mistake by quitting her job and going back to school. Now, three and a half years later, she has learned so much (most of which she shares with me) and is really looking forward to being a lawyer.

One of the things that I've learned is that the law doesn't place nearly enough value on the non-human members of a family. Let's say my market value is $500, that is, you could go to a pet store or breeder and buy an incredibly intelligent and handsome 8 year old miniature schnauzer like myself for $500. Now, if somebody takes $500 from Alpha Female and takes me from Alpha Male, the law views these as equivalent wrongs, because I am just considered chattel even though I am clearly worth more than my market value to my human family. To me, and to dogs (and maybe other animals) around the country, this just seems wrong. I am more than mere property. If I ever decide to run for public office, I think I'll make changing this valuation a top priority.

Oh my goodness! Something stinks in here. My human sister just walked by, it must be her that smells so bad. I had better go alert Alpha Female to the situation.

Ice Cream and Comprehension

It must be very frustrating to be my human sister. She can understand so much more than she can communicate. Earlier this week, Alpha Female asked my human sister if she was ready for her nap. Alpha Female meant it more as a rhetorical question and didn't expect an answer. However, my human sister knew exactly what she had been asked because she jumped up, said, "No!," and started to move away from Alpha Female while screaming. While the screaming wasn't cute, it was nice to see that she is comprehending so much of what is being said to her. She will also give you things if you ask for them. If only I could learn how to talk maybe I could train her to bring me cookies.

The humans had a good time on Friday night when they went out for ice cream. My human sister sat in a chair like a big girl, asked for her own spoon, and fed herself ice cream. When she had helped Alpha Male eat all of his and saw that his bowl was empty, she turned to Alpha Female and helped her finish the last of her ice cream, too. I wish they would have brought me along, I could have been a big help with eating the ice cream.

Right now, my human sister and Alpha Male are busy vacuuming the house so that I don't have to lay on dirty carpets. They are such well trained humans!

It's Been Awhile

I must apologize for my lack of diligence in keeping everybody updated in regards to the happenings of my family. However, I must say it is not my fault. It's really the fault of Alpha Female and my human sister. You see, every time I try to find time to sit quietly and type my pontifications, my human sister decides that this is a good time to come sit in my lap and spend some quality time together. Of course, I just love the opportunity to bond with her, so the blogging must wait. She's also started to pretend to put various lotions and ointments on my fur. It's pretty nice to have her rub my back and head and eyes. And Alpha Female has the end of school in her sights. So she has been busy trying to get all of her reading done for the rest of the semester. That means that she doesn't have a whole lot of time to help me with my blogs, not that she helps much, I really do it mostly by myself. So, with my apologies out of the way, I can share with you what has been happening with my family.

First, I'd like to share with you something that happened earlier this week. Alpha Female put my human sister down for a nap. Apparently, my human sister wasn't really all that tired yet. Alpha Female and I could hear her talking to herself and playing in her crib for quite a while before she got quiet and went to sleep. When she woke up about two hours later, the first thing that Alpha Female saw in her crib was her diaper. And the diaper was no longer on my human sister. However, there was a huge wet spot where my human sister had been sleeping. Alpha Female had to do a lot of laundry, but she sure was glad that at least my human sister hadn't poo'ed. And we all learned not to put the little monkey in her crib wearing an outfit in which she can get to her diaper.

Let me explain this picture. It's really quite humiliating. It seems that even though my human sister thinks she can take her diaper off whenever she wants, she also believes that I should wear a diaper. I can't believe Alpha Female even took this picture. At least I'm lucky that this is the best picture that was taken. Right before Alpha Female got the camera out, my human sister was actually wrapping the diaper around my bottom. Even though it's humiliating, it's also pretty neat to see that my human sister is learning things.

Interview With My Human Sister

I recently had an opportunity to chat with my human sister. I've posted portions of our chat for your enjoyment.

Afternoon Snuggle

The humans had a busy weekend! They took a trip to Sea World to celebrate my human niece's third birthday and they went to a friend's first birthday party. They were so worn out from all the activity that they had to recover with a little afternoon nap. I got to take part too, until I made a break for it.

My human sister has also started to display incredibly impressive abstract thought capabilities. She and Alpha Female were pretending to have imaginary cookies and milk that my human sister had apparently been storing in her princess car's secret compartment. My human sister would take a bite or a sip of the invisible food and then chew or swallow it. Solving differential equations can't be far behind. Maybe I'll start teaching her some principles of Gaussian noise.

Double Stroller

Alpha Female has sporadically been preparing for the arrival of Precious Fluffy. She decided to get a new carseat because the old one doesn't have the new absorbent foam in it. Then she picked out a matching double stroller. With the new stroller, both my human sister and Precious Fluffy could ride in the stroller comfortably at the same time. My human sister caught wind of this and decided that we don't need a double stroller. She showed Alpha Female that she could just ride in the storage compartment of the old stroller and her sister can ride up top. She is so considerate.