A New Puppy

No, we didn't get a new puppy, but it sure looks like it. If I had left this kind of a mess on the floor when I was 15 months old, I would have been in a lot of trouble. But when my human sister does it, the Alphas just clean it up and vow never again to let her run around after a bath without a diaper on.

First Word?

A few weekends ago my human sister saw some ducks in a parking lot and walked over to get a closer look at them and tried to chase them. Then, last weekend, when the humans went to Liki Tiki, they saw a couple of ducks and were feeding them bread and talking to my human sister about the ducks and teaching her that ducks say, "Quack!"

This evening, the Alphas took my human sister to the zoo. They were looking at the emu and talking about how scary looking the emu was when my human sister said, "Duck." Alpha Female said, "No, it's an emu." However, Alpha Female didn't really think that my human sister had actually meant duck, she thought that my human sister had just happened to make a noise that sounded like duck when they were looking at the emu. Then the humans went to look at the cassowary. Again, my human sister said, "Duck!" Alpha Female then said, "No, it's a cassowary." (There is some discrepancy as to what happened next. Alpha Female indicates that my human sister replied, "cassowary." Alpha Male disagrees and stated that Alpha Female might be a little crazy.) Finally, the humans went to look at the ducks. My human sister said, "Duck!" This was enough to establish irrefutable proof in Alpha Female's mind that my human sister's first official word was duck. I think "dog" will soon follow.

Legal Pontification

It's been a little while since I've shared any real pontifications with you because I've been so distracted by the whole mystery of the bulge and, also, I've been busy helping Alpha Female with her school work. However, I'd like to share with you something that I've been thinking about.

American humans generally have a negative perception of lawyers. I think this is fueled largely by media portrayals of lawyers, not by the activity of real lawyers. The result of this negative perception is that people don't seek out lawyers when they need legal help, because they think lawyers are "bad". A lawyer's role is to help laypeople understand the law. Just as I would not attempt to make my own dog food or build my own dog house, because I don't know how to do those things, why would I think I could give myself the best possible legal advice?

I guess that my point is that lawyers really do serve an important function in American human society, because that society depends on laws and regulations to run smoothly. And lawyers have years of training to help people understand how these rules work. Getting advice from lawyers can help people protect their rights. I, for one, wish that I had consulted a lawyer before agreeing to a certain operation several years ago. Then, maybe, I could have gotten more cookies in exchange for agreeing to give up my fundamental right to have a family.

It's a GIRL!

However, she is as squirmy as a worm. She wouldn't hold still while her pictures were being taken! My human sister is looking forward to having a little sister to get manicures and pedicures with. My human sister also just spent five minutes chasing me around the house trying to put my collar on me, and now I find out I'm getting another one of these?! I must be the luckiest dog around.

My Spa Weekend

It was another great weekend! The spa was just as lovely as I remembered it. I smelled a little funny after my stay (in fact, I still smell funny), but I'm pretty sure that the odor is just from the exotic oils that were used during my massages.

The humans had a good weekend too, even though they missed me a lot. My human sister pretty much gave up sleeping for the weekend and spent all day Saturday at the fancy pool with most of her cousins. Liki Tiki is a great value resort for any family looking for water activities for the little humans. My human sister enjoyed walking around the beach entry pool and can't wait until she's big enough to ride the water slides and get the airbrushed tattoos!

Unfortunately, the humans weren't able to visit the serpentarium on the way home because my human sister was pretty tired. I guess they'll have to go back next year.

Just a couple of hours until the big reveal (that's when we find out what's in Alpha Female's bulge).

Weekend Retreat

I'm getting ready for a relaxing weekend at the doggie spa. I'll get about six walks a day and get to meet lots of new friends. I'll also get to sleep and spend my days in a beautiful crate, complete with maid service. I just love going to the doggie spa, my humans don't know what they're missing. Instead of coming with me, the three of them are going to a resort with a water park. They think it'll be a lot of fun, but it sounds awfully wet and hot to me. There's no air conditioning outside. The only downside to the doggie spa is that I don't think they have WiFi. Unfortunately, that means I won't be able to post until I get home on Monday. But, it will be kind of nice to just get away and not have any responsibilities for a weekend.

Dancing Queen

My apologies for the long delay in getting this video posted. I got distracted by chasing that bird and then I found that the video camera was a little cumbersome to operate with my paws. They really should make the buttons larger. I was finally able to get it all figured out and I think you'll agree that the end result was well worth the wait. Enjoy!

I can post video

Hopefully, human sister dancing videos will soon follow! But, man, would I like to chase this bird!

Return of the Alpha Male = Fleeing of the Alpha Female !?

Well, Alpha Male finally got home on Thursday. He had a good time in Boulder and a better time in the Denver microbreweries with his drinking, pool shark buddy. Alpha Male highly recommends the N-Heat Wheat from Flying Dog. And with a name like that, I bet it's great! I was so happy to have the pack back together on Thursday, and so was my Human sister. But about three hours after Alpha Male got home, Alpha Female left. She had to go take a Professional Responsibility exam so that she can eventually be admitted to the bar. It was nice when she got home Friday evening and we got to spend the weekend together.

My human sister went to the beach twice this weekend and loves to throw sand into her hair. She also got to eat at least five of her ten favorite foods this weekend. Wait, make that six, I slipped her some delicious dog food. Maybe that's what made her decide that spinning around in circles would be so much fun.

Alpha Female has also started getting ready for school to start again and I've been helping her study, as always. (I bet I'll be able to pass the bar exam soon.) Did you know that heroin is often sold by brand name in NYC? Weird, huh?

Evolution of the Human

After watching my human sister, I found the answer to a question that I had been thinking about for a long time: Why do humans only have two legs? It just seems so inefficient to have two scrawny little arms hanging around doing nothing. It is a lot faster to be able to walk, and run, on four legs rather than just two. Well, here's the answer. The extra legs became arms so that little humans can be better dancers! Amazing, but true. Without her arms, my human sister's dancing would just be lurching. But when you add in the fantastic arm movements, her dancing is a thing of beauty. You have to see it to believe it. Maybe when Alpha Male gets home from Boulder he can help me figure out how to put a video clip of her moves up here.

There's something else I should mention. Alpha Female sat me down yesterday and said that it was time for us to have a little talk. I don't want to gross you out with all the details, but it turns out that the bulge in her belly cannot be a puppy. I didn't understand how it worked (and I really didn't want to know), but now I understand that it has to be either worms or a human baby. After getting the details, I am hoping for worms. Don't feel badly if you voted for a puppy, but do ask a responsible adult to explain it to you.

What a great weekend

Let me start by saying how much I love hearing from all of my K9 fans! Anytime you want to come visit me in Florida, you can stay with me. I need a bit of a bad influence around every now and then to remind me I'm a dog.

The Alphas had a good weekend and so did I! They went up to a municipal pool that has just opened a new spray park for kids. Unfortunately, the spray park was closed for the day but there was a kid pool that went from 1' to 3' and my human sister loved walking around in it. There were also spray thingies on the side of the pool that were fun to play with and a big fountain in the middle of the pool that was kind of fun to walk underneath. It's weird how much she likes to have water sprayed in her face. I don't like it at all.

Then, on Sunday (this was the best day), the Alphas filled up the redneck whale pool and let the little human splash around in it. The pictures are from this adventure. As you can see, she had enjoyed some chili dog and watermelon before getting in the pool. I don't know how she was able to stand with that diaper on, it weighed about 10 pounds because of all the water it sucked up. But she really loved the chili dog and even shared the watermelon with me. It was wonderful, I even ate the rind. Delicious. Much better than the hard nodules I usually get to eat. After experiencing the watermelon I understand why she likes to eat human food so much. If I had to pick my human sister's top ten foods, I think they would be, in no particular order:

1. chili dogs
2. green beans
3. mandarin oranges
4. watermelon
5. asparagus
6. fish
7. blueberries
8. go-gurt (it's yogurt you suck out of a tube)
9. anything that comes out of a straw
10. dog food (I've never seen her eat it, but I bet she'd like it, maybe I'll give her some tomorrow.)

However, I prefer when she doesn't eat any of these things because that means I'm more likely to get some.

It Moves!

Alpha Female has been feeling her bulge squirm for about a week now, but Alpha Male was able to feel it for the first time a couple days ago! This is quite exciting. Before you know it, it'll be kicking me and my human sister when we get near Alpha Female.

Other interesting news worth noting:
My human sister is learning how to eat from a small bowl. Fortunately, she is not picking up this new skill very quickly. The bowl keeps being tilted and I have to earn my keep vacuuming up the Lucky Charms with my tongue. It's a tough job, but somedoggy has to do it.

Also, she is learning quite a few animal sounds and body parts. By the start of college football season she should be able to tell everybody what a Gator says!

Before and After

Here's a picture of me the night before my haircut and the evening of my haircut. I like my 'do, but I'm not sure why the groomer thought I wanted to look like Mr. Furley. Weird.

I read a comment from somebody purporting to be Sparky, however I am quite sure that this was an impostor. First, Sparky isn't quite smart enough to figure out how to use a computer or type. He's a wonderful dog, but he's never been the sharpest tack in the box. Second, the impostor referred to Sparky as my cousin. He's really my uncle. I suspect that the impostor did not want to use the term "Uncle" because that would reveal the impostor's true identity. Third, Sparky would have no problem with me getting in touch with my feminine side. He's been out of the closet for years now. He's propositioned me more than once. I suspect the comment really came from somebody who wishes he looked as good as me but is afraid to put the time into personal grooming because he knows that his results wouldn't be as good as mine.