Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Have you ever wondered how the world views you? I think of myself as short, dark, and adorable. But is that how everybody else sees me? I've discovered that the only way to really find out is to have kids and then wait until they are old enough to start imitating you. It may sound like a lot of trouble to go through just to find out if you're really as likable as you think you are, but it is foolproof. Thing 1 is now old enough to let everybody in the house know exactly what she thinks of them. It's not always pretty and she can sometime be pretty direct. The other day, Alpha Female was leaving the house and Thing 1 asked her where she was going. Alpha Female was going to get her haircut and replied, "I'm going to get beautiful." When she returned home, Thing 1 caught one glimpse of her and quickly exclaimed, "You're not beautiful!" I don't think Alpha Female has gotten over that one yet.

But I digress. Sometimes the Things can be much more subtle and show the Alphas what they think of them merely by reflecting the Alphas' images back at them. For instance, Alpha Female had no idea that she always called the Things "honey" until Thing 1 started asking Alpha Female to role play with her. There are a couple of variations to this game, Thing 1 can be the teacher and Alpha Female can a friend in her class, Thing 1 can be the baby unicorn and Alpha Female can be the mommy unicorn, or Thing 1 can be the mommy and Alpha Female can be the honey. And it almost made up for being told she wasn't beautiful when Thing 1 offered to cover Alpha Female's eyes for her during a scary part of a movie. Naturally, the reflections aren't always too positive. One night, Thing 1 gave Alpha Male two choices, to be either a good prince or a bad prince. When Alpha Male replied that he didn't want to be a prince, Thing 1 pulled out her spot on Alpha Female impression and told him, "That is not an option!" And, my favorite, while Thing 2 was riding her bike last weekend, she pulled out her cell phone and started texting.

I've also noticed that whenever they are eating and see me coming, the hold their food up high and scream, "no, Gauss, no!" I'm not sure what I've done to give them the impression that I would want to eat their food. Oh, wait, I remember now. I eat their food whenever it is unattended for more than 2 seconds. I love hot dogs!