The Sleep Experiment

Because I am a scientific sort of dog, every now and then I like to do some experimentation. My most recent experiment began about four months ago. I started by developing a hypothesis that I would be able to test. I hypothesized that sleep deprivation would lead to loss of a sense of humor, clumsiness, and increased body hair.

I began my experiment back in November 2007. This was when I collected my control data. I started by recording what the Alphas found amusing and how often they made others laugh. I also carefully observed their skills which displayed any coordination. Finally, when they were sleeping, I counted how many hairs they had covering their bodies. This period of data collection ended when Thing 2 was born.

Since the birth of Thing 2, and the corresponding onset of sleep deprivation, I have been collecting evidence to test my hypothesis. With regards to the sense of humor I have found that there has been no measurable change. The Alphas weren't very funny before Thing 2 was born and they're still not funny. However, I think that I have gotten funnier since I have been getting less sleep. The picture that I made of my family as M&M's is one of the funniest things I've ever seen! I've got to thank sleep deprivation for assisting me with the creation of that hilarity. My conclusion is that sleep deprivation actually increases one's comedic abilities. (At least in the view of this sleep deprived dog.)

My assessment of clumsiness provided some interesting results. I have found that Alpha Female has been dropping more food recently. Of course, I'm here to help her clean it up so, once again, my thanks go out to sleep deprivation. However, most telling of the increased lack in coordination was an event that transpired at the gym last week. Alpha Female fell off the treadmill. Yes, she actually was running on the treadmill one second and in the arms of the lady on the treadmill next to her the next second. She said it was embarrassing, but I think it's just hilarious, not to mention important scientific evidence. My conclusion is that sleep deprivation definitely leads to clumsiness.

Finally, I counted all the hairs on the Alphas again last night and have found no increase. I would have to conclude that my hypothesis about a link between body hair and sleep deprivation was incorrect. Too bad, because it would have been a great cure for baldness. I'll continue to monitor the Alphas' behavior and provide ongoing updates on the effects of sleep deprivation for as long as the condition persists in my house. Hopefully it will last a lot longer, I like eating all of the food that gets dropped.