Road Trip

Last week the Alphas took the whole family for our first outing. All the kids and the Alphas piled in the car to come pick me up from the animal doctor (I was there for the previously mentioned worm problem). The reason they all came is because the animal doctor is right next door to an ice cream stand and the Things love ice cream. So after they all ate ice cream, it was time to get back in the car. Of course, I tried to get into my regular spot between the two car seats in the back. The problem was that my spot had been taken over by yet a third car seat. So can you believe where they put me? You are probably thinking that I got to ride in the front seat passenger's lap, but no! I had to ride all the way in the back, in the same place that Alpha Female puts the groceries! At first it was pretty humiliating but then I started to enjoy having all that space to myself. And it gave me a good opportunity to listen to the conversation on the drive home. Alpha Female sounds like such a mom! I'm not sure when she transformed from being a kid herself to being a mom, but I am sure that the transformation is now complete. This is what I heard that led me to this conclusion, "Thing 1, stop kicking your sister. Thing 1, there is an invisible line between your seat and your sister's seat, you must stay on your side of the line. Thing 1, put your hand back on your side of the line. Thing 1, stop kicking! Thing 2, give your sister her shoe back..." I hope that a car with an extra row of seating is in our future.

Too Good to be True

Let me just say that my favorite part about having a new baby is not the sleepless nights. I am a dog that needs my sleep. An uninterrupted 9 hours at night followed by at least one solid 4 hour nap and a couple of shorter naps is what I really prefer. When the Alphas bring a new baby home, it really interferes with my 9 hours of quality sleep. I start to feel the same way that Alpha Female starts to look. It's not pretty. At least I don't start to smell the way that Alpha Female smells. I'm not sure if the smell comes from the baby spit up plastered on her or from her giving up daily showers.

But I digress, I was talking about sleep, or the lack thereof. Surprisingly, with this new baby my sleep has not been impacted as severely as with the others. I am happy to report that last night and the night before, he only woke up once during the night! I hope I'm not jinxing it by mentioning it, I'm sure Alpha Female will make me start living outside if I mess this up for her. I think I know why he sleeps so well, though. I took this picture of him so that I can share his secret with other families out there. Alpha Female lets him read himself to sleep using her Kindle. He was reading Hemingway this night before he fell asleep.

Catching Up

I don't like it when I have to start a post with an apology. I don't like it because it means I have been letting down my fans by not diligently reporting on the happenings in my family and I don't like it because it means admitting that I'm a bad dog. But I'm afraid that this apology is long over due as I have been very reticent in regards to sharing the recent goings on of my family. There is so much to catch up on that I'm not sure where to start.

I suppose I should start with more details about our new addition and his arrival. For about a month before he showed up, Alpha Female was pretty much useless around the house. She just sat around like an extra piece of furniture. If one of the Things asked her for something, she would send them to Alpha Male. And I don't think she had fed me or picked up anything off the floor since the end of April. She was really a pretty pathetic sight, huge, but pathetic. She laid in bed a lot and rolled around like a beached whale. It wasn't pretty. Her belly hung out from the bottom of her shirts. But I should stop airing all of her dirty laundry, just in case she ever reads my blog. And ever since the baby has arrived, she has been much better. She is finally starting to pull her weight around here again. I am happy to report that once again I am being fed regularly and we have clean laundry. Alpha Male is equally happy about her return to normalcy.

Along with the return of Alpha Female has come the addition of the baby. I'm not generally a fan of babies because they tend to make a lot of noise and don't give food offerings. This baby isn't that much different, he doesn't give food offerings and he does wake me up in the middle of the night. However, there is a silver lining. With the Alphas out numbered it is easier for me to get what I want from one of the Things. I have managed to teach Thing 2 that when she is done eating at the table, she can just "drop" the rest of her food on the ground for me. She is highly trainable. Also, I discovered that there has been a medical reason for my insatiable appetite. Well, actually Alpha Male discovered the tape worms crawling out of my body. The humans seem to think this is disgusting and have taken me to the doctor to "fix" the problem, but I liked the excuse to be able to eat more.

Now that I have three human children to report on simultaneously, I'm going to have to figure out something to call the new one. I don't think I can use "Thing 3" because there never was really a Thing 3 and I am a slave to authenticity. Luckily, lots of things come in threes so I should have plenty of choices. Maybe they could be the 3 little pigs.

Welcome Ian

Ian Charles was born Sunday morning at 8:19, weighing in at 8 lbs. 3 oz. While Thing 2 is not at all impressed with her baby brother, Thing 1 has taken a surprising liking to him. She wants to hold him all the time and just looking at him makes her laugh.

Look at that, there is clearly room for two more!

Save the Drama for your Mama

My goodness, Bubbles isn't even born yet and he is causing all kinds of drama around the house. Apparently most human babies turn head down in their mamas' bellies when they are about 32 weeks old. Bubbles decided to wait until he was about 37 weeks old to turn himself around. That means that for the last week and a half, the Alphas have been preparing themselves for a trip to the hospital to let the doctor make him turn, and if that didn't work, he would have had to have been surgically removed from Alpha Female's belly (also known as a C-section). Luckily, when they went for an ultrasound today to confirm that he was still breech in anticipation of going to the hospital later this week, they found that he had flipped over. After the Alphas gave each other big high fives, they took a peek at the little guy and it looks like he is doing fine and big enough to come out any day now according to Alpha Female. I can't wait to meet him and teach him how to feed me.

Chatty Cathy

Thing 1 really talks a lot, especially at bedtime. I thinks she would stay up all night chatting if they would let her. The Alphas seem to be amused by most of the things she says, but I don't think they are funny. Like tonight when she told on me...again. Telling on me seems to be one of her new favorite things to do. Every night when Thing 1 goes to bed she brings a snack with her. It started as two raisins and progressed to jelly beans and chocolate chips at one point but it has recently receded to four grapes. And where there is food, I will be found. So after Thing 1 falls asleep, I like to go in her room and eat whatever food is left. (I wouldn't want the food to spoil over night and let her good food poisoning when she ate it in the morning.) The problem is that some nights it takes her a long time to fall asleep, so I've stopped waiting for her to fall asleep and have started going in to her room for a snack as soon as the Alphas leave her unattended. At first I think she enjoyed the company. However, tonight she ratted me out and screamed, "Noooo!" when I ate just one grape. And after she got more grapes, I went back in her room and she yelled, "Mommy, Gauss is sleeping in my room!" Most kids would love to have their loyal dog sleep with them. I have got to figure out a way to win back her trust. Maybe I should figure out a way to break into the Alphas' chocolate chip stash and share them with her.

Thing 2 is starting to talk a lot, too. The words she says best are "uh-oh" and "no." I'm not sure what that says about her, but I think it means that she might be a mischievous little troublemaker. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Happy Birthday Thing 1

Thing 1 turned 3 today. She helped make her birthday cake and birthday cupcakes and I heard Alpha Female offer her a job as a sous chef. I was happy to hear that, because as long as Thing 1 is helping in the kitchen I know I won't have to wait long for something edible to drop to on the floor.