Catching Up

I don't like it when I have to start a post with an apology. I don't like it because it means I have been letting down my fans by not diligently reporting on the happenings in my family and I don't like it because it means admitting that I'm a bad dog. But I'm afraid that this apology is long over due as I have been very reticent in regards to sharing the recent goings on of my family. There is so much to catch up on that I'm not sure where to start.

I suppose I should start with more details about our new addition and his arrival. For about a month before he showed up, Alpha Female was pretty much useless around the house. She just sat around like an extra piece of furniture. If one of the Things asked her for something, she would send them to Alpha Male. And I don't think she had fed me or picked up anything off the floor since the end of April. She was really a pretty pathetic sight, huge, but pathetic. She laid in bed a lot and rolled around like a beached whale. It wasn't pretty. Her belly hung out from the bottom of her shirts. But I should stop airing all of her dirty laundry, just in case she ever reads my blog. And ever since the baby has arrived, she has been much better. She is finally starting to pull her weight around here again. I am happy to report that once again I am being fed regularly and we have clean laundry. Alpha Male is equally happy about her return to normalcy.

Along with the return of Alpha Female has come the addition of the baby. I'm not generally a fan of babies because they tend to make a lot of noise and don't give food offerings. This baby isn't that much different, he doesn't give food offerings and he does wake me up in the middle of the night. However, there is a silver lining. With the Alphas out numbered it is easier for me to get what I want from one of the Things. I have managed to teach Thing 2 that when she is done eating at the table, she can just "drop" the rest of her food on the ground for me. She is highly trainable. Also, I discovered that there has been a medical reason for my insatiable appetite. Well, actually Alpha Male discovered the tape worms crawling out of my body. The humans seem to think this is disgusting and have taken me to the doctor to "fix" the problem, but I liked the excuse to be able to eat more.

Now that I have three human children to report on simultaneously, I'm going to have to figure out something to call the new one. I don't think I can use "Thing 3" because there never was really a Thing 3 and I am a slave to authenticity. Luckily, lots of things come in threes so I should have plenty of choices. Maybe they could be the 3 little pigs.