Life Lessons

As I have journeyed through life, I have learned many things. Don't pee uphill. Don't chase a cat when you're on a leash. Eat whenever you get the opportunity. Generally, I think knowledge is a good thing. The more lessons I can learn, the better off I am. However, sometimes I learn lessons that I would rather not have learned because the price of learning is just too high (like when I learned I shouldn't jump off the bed to run outside and chase a possum the night after I had surgery on my reproductive organs). These lessons I would have been happy to live a lifetime without learning, but unfortunately that was not to be. Just yesterday the Alphas had a day full of those kinds of lessons.

Around 5:50 a.m., Alpha Female learned that if you pull apart a band-aid wrapper in the dark, the adhesive lights up as it separates. This lesson was confirmed at 5:51, 5:52, 5:54, and twice at 5:57. She also learned that if you pull the wrapper apart really quickly, the adhesive will glow for a little while. Nobody was hurt, there was no blood, but Thing 1 insisted she needed band-aids up and down her arms and one more across her nose. Alpha Female doesn't like getting up before the sun and would rather have been sleeping and never learned this interesting band-aid packaging fact.

Later that afternoon the Alphas learned that Thing 1 will actually eat chocolate and oranges until somebody forces her to stop. It seems it is physically impossible for her to get full if all she eats is chocolate and oranges. This didn't seem like such a hard lesson to learn when they initially learned it, but it occurred to them on the car ride home, pulled over on the side of the expressway, in the dark while cleaning chocolaty orange throw up off of Thing 1, Thing 1's carseat, and all the new Christmas presents that had been riding at Thing 1's feet that the chocolate-orange phenomena was a lesson they would have preferred to skip.